Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Osama's Book Club

Carter's book finally gets a good review!

So, Osama bin Laden just dropped a new tape last week for the eighth anniversary of the September 11th attacks on the United States. Of course, he came with the usual bashing of the USA's support for Israel, our continuing war against his fellow jihadists in Afghanistan, and promised a new attack against America, which may be a lot more imminent than previously thought. But the mass murderer wasn't done here, oh no; bin Laden also used the tape to promote three books that will shine a light on his views. The terrorist declared:
"After you read the suggested books, you will know the truth, and you will be greatly shocked by the scale of concealment that has been exercised on you."
You see, in addition to being a genocidal, Islamist maniac, Osama bin Laden is also a very worldly and well-read sort. He must have a helluva setup in that cave of his to be able to read, no?

I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat, so without further adieu, here are the three books Osama recommends:

"The Israel Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy" by Stephen Walt and John Mearsheimer. Osama only mentioned this book by name and had no further opinion of it, but I hear from sane people that it's devoid of facts, virulently anti-Israel and bordering on anti-Semitic, so naturally bin Laden would be drawn in.

"The Apology of a Hired Killer" by...actually, no such book exists. The New York Times believes bin Laden to have been referring to "Confessions of an Economic Hit Man" by John Perkins. Osama's review of the first, fake book was generally positive, hinting that this book would reveal the causes of the 9/11 attacks.

And now, for my personal favorite, "Palestine: Peace not Apartheid" by none other than ex-President Jimmy Carter! Honestly, who can blame Osama for this pick? Carter's book is overly critical of Israel, overly sympathetic to the Palestinians, and, as President, Carter armed bin Laden's mujahideen against the Soviets in Afghanistan 30 years ago. Talk about a conflict of interest!

Stay tuned for next week when Osama interviews Whitney Houston, talks about his Favorite Things, and we'll find out if the disgraced 39th President can fall any further.

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